One evening a few years ago, I was walking around Corvallis. Ryan had left for work, and it was my favorite time of day, when the sun is setting and everything is getting dark and quiet. I went to the river and found a bench. Behind me, a group of friends ran through the water and laughed and took videos and pictures of themselves. I watched the wind move through the trees between me and and wondered if there was a way to get down to the water. (There wasn’t.)
On my way back home, I passed a little free library built by a real estate company. There seem to be a dozen of them just in our neighborhood. I’ve picked up quite a few books from them and have yet to drop one off, so I hesitated taking a book. But this library was full, so I did it. It was a slim book originally published in 1979, titled Love is Letting Go of Fear, written by Gerald G. Jampolsky. I thought Ryan might find it interesting since we’d recently been talking about restoring relationships and what holds us back from it. I was the one who ended up reading it (though I told Ryan all about it as I did).
The main premise of the book is simple, and the author uses such direct language, stating things as fact, not trying to convince the reader, but simply trying to help.
He says while the rest of the world is temporary, Love is eternal, it is everything of value, and it is the total absence of fear. Peace of mind should be our single goal and forgiveness our single function. To forgive is the way to let go of this fear. Most of the book lays out lessons to help us achieve peace of mind, let go of the past, and realize we are the ones in control of our thoughts and behaviors, not anyone else.
It’s hard to describe the feeling when you realize a book is affecting you. Do you know what I mean? When you’re laying in bed, your eyes skimming the pages, and you hit a sentence that perfectly describes what you’re thinking. It’s even harder to describe the tingly feeling you get when you realize this book is exactly what you needed.
I have done a lot of bold things in my life and overcome a lot of fear, but reading this book helped me realize I was truly afraid of getting married again. I was ready, excited, and willing to try again, but I had this small voice in the back of my mind, and any time trouble reared its head, I’d return to this state of fear. I was afraid of getting hurt again. I was afraid of repeating mistakes I made in the past. I was afraid of not being seen, heard, or loved. I was afraid of not seeing, hearing, or loving Ryan. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, I was afraid of not saying enough, and I was afraid of saying too much. This fear was all rooted in things that happened in the past, and I was letting it slow me down and even hold me back.
I realized I have to let it go and I have to forgive. I can’t fear the future because of past hurt, I can’t try to control the present because of past hurt. One of the book’s lessons is This instant is the only time there is. Everyone around me deserves a brand new slate every time we meet up, and my partner, the one I want to spend my life with, deserves it more than anyone.
During Rosh Hoshanah, we throw bread crumbs into a flowing river to symbolize our sins being taken away forever. If I’m asking for that forgiveness of God, how can I not also bestow it on those around me? And on myself?
I carried this book’s lessons around with me while reading it, and I still do, repeating certain phrases like mantras when I’m stressed out or feel myself slipping into anger, fear, or resentment.
I could see peace instead of this.
I am not the victim of the world I see.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
It’s no miracle cure to being human. I’m still fearful of certain things. And it’s still hard to feel and express love when fear is easier, more natural, but the more I choose love and the less I choose fear, the easier it gets, bit by bit.
In the book, the author doesn’t write love, he writes Love, capitalized like a proper noun. I couldn’t help inserting “God” instead of “Love” and the text read just as smoothly.
Although God is always what we really want, we are often afraid of God without consciously knowing it, and so we may act both blind and deaf to God’s presence. Yet, as we help ourselves and each other let go of fear, we begin to experience a personal transformation… With God as our only reality, health and wholeness can be viewed as inner peace, and healing can be seen as letting go of fear.
This summer, I’ve seen many relationships in my life and the lives around me change for the better. I think it only takes a few people to start letting Love in, and others find that peace and joy alluring, and we find comfort in community and connection and true love.
I’ve seen Love — or call it God, it’s the same thing — really change lives as people have opened themselves up to its power. When we choose to love those around us no matter what, we can find true freedom. Freedom from past pain, freedom from feeling like a victim, freedom from a negative perception of the world, freedom from trying to control others or the future.
I can’t help the preachy vibe of this post. I’ve seen the fruit of Love and of God my entire life. I was fortunate to be raised in a church that took care of others less fortunate than us and, more importantly, a family that always loved and cared for me. I know that Love can change lives. It’s so easy to let fear take over instead, or anger, or the pain of the past, or self-righteousness, or religiosity, or politics. That’s all temporary, though. Love is eternal. By loving each other, we become a part of that eternal entity, letting God’s light shine through us and our actions. That’s all there is.
Thank you, Emily.