One particular bend in the road of my journey (the story I’ll tell for the rest of my life) started when I found Love Is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky.
It’s a thin book, barely over 150 pages. Preparations, ingredients, and lessons for personal transformation. It’s simple and straightforward, and yet has deep meaning. Its message was a catalyst, and the words dropped me into the vast pool of water that is the present moment. Because the message itself was so simple, I could explore the depths of it in my own life. What did it really mean, for me personally, to let go of fear and love instead?
I shared my takeaways from these lessons on Instagram, and I thought I’d share them here, too. I hope they impact you as powerfully as they did me. I hope they can be a catalyst for you, to move you deeper into your life and your potential. Everything in quotes is from the book by Gerald Jampolsky; the rest are my thoughts.
You’ll also find the lessons as phone wallpapers in a gallery further down in the post — feel free to save and use them!
Lesson 1: All that I give is given to myself.
“I was mistaken in believing that I could give anyone anything other than what I want for myself. Since we want to experience peace, Love, and forgiveness, these are the only gifts I would offer others. It is not charity on my part to offer forgiveness and Love to others in place of attack. Rather, offering Love is the only way I can accept Love for myself.”
This first lesson takes the law of scarcity, which most of the world operates under, and replaces it with abundance. Instead of seeking love from others, we can first extend love to ourselves. Instead of waiting for others to love us first, we can love them first and by effect, love ourselves. Love is self-multiplying, expansive, and gives without fail.
How many of us have had troubles investing in a relationship because of low self-esteem or shame? When we’re hard on ourselves, it’s much harder to connect with others.
We might feel like we’re broken and don’t deserve other people’s love, and we’re waiting for someone to prove us wrong by loving us first. In actuality, we need our own love more.
This book taught me I have the power to create emotions like love, acceptance, and belonging. I can love others and myself, I can accept others and myself, and I can create a sense of belonging for myself and others. These don’t come from external sources, only internal ones. Others may love me, and I may not even feel it because I’m not loving them in return, or myself first.
“The law of Love is that you are Love, and that as you give Love to others you teach yourself what you are.”
Lesson 2: Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
“At the core of these principles is forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean condoning or agreeing with a horrendous act. It is a decision to no longer attack one’s self. Forgiveness is, quite simply, the decision not to suffer. To forgive is to make the decision to be happy, to let go of judgments, to stop hurting others and ourselves, and to stop recycling anger and fear. Forgiveness is the bridge to compassion, to inner peace, and to a peaceful world.”
When we forgive, we open ourselves to the present moment and the people around us. We give others, and ourselves, room to make mistakes. Love and awareness can blossom and take root.
When we forgive others, it’s easier to forgive ourselves. The reverse is true as well: forgiving others shows us we have a deep capacity for love, and we can extend that to ourselves too.
Even the most selfish, abusive, rotten person can receive your forgiveness. Forgiveness is not for them, though they will reap the benefits–it’s for you and your peace of mind.
Holding onto past pains and hurts is natural, but it’s not inevitable and you don’t have to do it forever. That pain can easily morph into fear, which will hold you back from experiencing the present moment in all its rich fullness.
Letting go of the pain others have caused you is like undamming a river and letting the water flow again. What could flow into your life, if you allowed it?
Lesson 3: I am never upset for the reason I think.
“What would happen if we believed that what we saw is determined by the thoughts in our mind? Perhaps we could entertain an idea that at the moment seems unnatural and foreign to us; namely, that our thoughts are the cause and what we see is the effect. It would then make no sense to blame the world for the miseries and pain we experience, because it would be possible then to consider perception as ‘a mirror and not a fact.'”
Have you seen that brainstorm or green needle video? You’ll hear something different based on which word you read while the audio is going. It’s one small example of how we create the reality we see.
Recognizing this is the first step toward feeling more empowered in your life. By taking personal responsibility for everything that you can control and not worrying as much about what you can’t, you’ll step into your value and feel more confident.
The next time you’re upset, sit with your feelings of anger, jealousy, resentment, or depression. Name them and allow them. Then take it one step further and ask yourself: does this represent some form of fear? Fear of being taken advantage of or hurt? Fear of losing someone we love? Fear of not being enough? Fear of being alone?
We always have the choice between being fearful or experiencing Love by extending Love to others.
Lesson 4: I am determined to see things differently.
“Most of my life I have acted as if I were a robot, responding to other people said or did. Now I recognize that my responses are determined only by the decisions I make. I claim my freedom by exercising the power of my decision to see people and events with Love instead of fear.”
We have all fallen into the trap of believing that other people create our reality or our lives instead of us. Although elements of that were true in childhood, we are the masters of our own fate. We can choose to see things differently.
It’s a difficult process to let go of anger, fear, or guilt, especially if we’ve relied on them to give our pain meaning. We might wonder what would be left if we let go. There may not be much, but you can create what you’d like in the gap left behind. The world can open up to you like a blossoming flower.
Anger, fear, guilt, shame, and regret all serve a purpose. They’re not to be ignored or pushed aside. But many of us fixate on them and let them become woven into our relationships, worldview, and self-worth. What else is there, beyond the pain? You might be surprised and gladdened by what you find.
Lesson 5: I can escape the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.
“If we remember that it is our thoughts that make up the world, then we can change them. We change the world we see by changing our thoughts about it. By changing our thoughts, we are actually changing the cause. Then the world we see, the effect, will change automatically. A changed thought system can reverse cause and effect as we have known it.”
I interpret “the world” to mean how we see the world. Our world. We can never know what objective reality is, because we lack the ability to step outside of ourselves and see what reality is outside of our bodies, our thoughts, our perception, our sensations. I create my reality. You create yours.
When I can step into ownership of my life, I stop taking things personally. I stop attacking others because I don’t see other people attacking me, or I recognize that when I attack others, I’ll also be attacking myself.
Attack thoughts could be judgments. Assumptions. Insults. Thoughts are sentences in your mind — which sentences cross through your mind about others when you’re upset with them?
“Throughout the day when you are tempted to hurt yourself through attack thoughts, say with determination: I want to experience peace of mind right now. I happily let go of all attack thoughts and choose peace instead.”
It can be that easy.
Lesson 6: I am not the victim of the world I see.
“What I see without is a reflection of what I have seen within my own mind. I always project onto the world the thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that preoccupy me. I can see the world differently by changing my mind about what I want to see.”
We often overestimate our ability to be objective and practical. We figure if we think something, it must be true. This lesson addresses the fact that we all make projections onto others based on how we see our reality. I believe with practice and regular inquiry of our thoughts, we can project less and we can begin to see things as they are.
We’ll see people as they are, without our expectations shouldered onto them. We’ll see that old adage is true: “Hurt people hurt people.” We’ll see that everyone has the capacity for love, but many of us choose fear instead.
I’m an optimistic person by nature and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. When I started doing this work, it felt at times like confirmation bias. But this book’s lessons and principles also felt like a deeper, more authentic path to inner peace, rather than my tendencies to ignore or neglect the painful parts of life.
When hard times came in the past, I was the person who brushed problems under the rug. In interpersonal conflicts, I thought, “Geez, why are they making such a big deal out of this? Can’t we just get along?”
The attitude I had, that I should shove my feelings down for the sake of peace, was projected onto others. And everyone suffered for my inability to address issues.
These lessons are not a way to bypass emotional depth, painful feelings, or conflict. They’re tools to dismantle our way of seeing the world so we can see things as they are and we can choose what to focus on.
There are six more lessons coming in part two. I’ll post them in the next week or so.