I’m currently going through the twelve-week course laid out in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It’s a “spiritual path to higher creativity.” Every morning, I write three pages of stream of consciousness writing to get out any blocks that may be preventing me from creating. Those chores I know I need to do, frustration at something small that happened the day before, my plans for the weekend. I usually end up forgetting about the pages one morning, typically on the weekend, when my morning routine is different.
Every week, I go on (or try to go on) an artist date — a set amount of time with just me and my artist, doing something interesting, engaging, and, most of all, fun. I also read a few essays from Julia about a certain topic, do any exercises in the chapter, and complete a handful of assigned tasks throughout the week.
This week is Recovering a Sense of Integrity. It focuses on authenticity and self-definition. This chapter has been tough because one of Julia’s exercises is not to read. That’s right, not to read anything outside of the book! I was shocked, and Ryan is still skeptical that it’s a good idea. But I understand the concept.
By constantly taking in other people’s words — and it’s so easy on my phone, where I’m connected to so much good content — I may be filling space where I could write my own words. I have a deep love for the written word. It’s more than love; it’s a deep, pressing need. If I’m not reading other people’s words, I’m driven to write my own to meet that need. Obviously, I love reading, and I won’t ever give it up, but I’m playing with the idea of abstaining from reading one day a week.
One of the tasks this week asked me to describe myself at eighty. That morning, I spent more than an hour video chatting with my mom, my grandma, my aunt. I would be lucky to end up as funny, smart, or feisty as these three women (and I hasten to mention only one of them has reached eighty years!). Many of the traits and descriptors I wrote down are shared by women who came before me in my family.
After fifty, what did I do that I enjoyed? I traveled to Asia multiple times: I ate strange street foods, I got lost, and I met other travelers. I took painting classes and used nude models. I cooked exotic foods for dinner parties. I took Ryan to Chefchaouen in Morocco. We had grandkids and great-grandkids. We moved abroad.
I also wrote a letter to my thirty-two-year-old self. Here it is below:
Emily!
Don’t ever stop traveling. Never ever, ever! Taking your eternal spirit across the planet to places that are brand new and yet immensely familiar is in your blood. That call to stay and settle is a wise one at times, but you bring home with you wherever you go, so don’t worry about leaving the comfortable when it feels right.
You’ll know when it feels right, or when anything feels right. Listen to your gut. Your instinct and intuition are your guides.
Pursue your dreams of coaching, writing, educating. Share your story and the stories of others.
Embrace solitude, but seek communion. Love the Earth and take all she has to offer you, and give back all you can. Thank, “What would the Earth want me to do?” Or rather, “What does the Earth want for me? For all of us?”
Love them. Your love heals over a multitude of sins. Your love endures forever.
Your purpose was to carry a message from the child you were to the old woman you will be. You had this message at birth, when you came into this world with the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck, no biological father, just motherly love enveloping you. You carried this message through life and all of its twists and curves, with its love, its darkness, its confusion, and its joys, to death, where I am headed.
I still hold that message now. Thank you.
Love,
Emily at Eighty
What about you? What do you want to accomplish, either now or after you turn fifty? Is there anything you’d be disappointed about if you didn’t do it?
I’ve seen many people struggle with regret, even young ones, because they didn’t stay true to themselves and the story they knew they needed to write. While we all change and evolve and sometimes completely reroute our paths, there is a truth inside all of us that can easily be shrouded by societal expectations, shame, fear, or just plain laziness.
This is a great exercise to recognize what dreams and passions you want to follow in life and to cultivate traits you want to have in your old age. We have one chance to be who we are in this life, with all of our idiosyncrasies, our specific place in time and geography, our complex DNA. What is the message you’re carrying to your eighty-year-old self?
Rumor said, “when setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from those who have never left home.” At eighty, you will be in a good place to help others!!