Mindfulness is the practice of seeing things just as they are and accepting them without judgment. The first step toward seeing things as they are is practicing presence.
Presence is the practice of anchoring ourselves wherever we are and shedding limiting beliefs, obsessive thoughts, or overwhelming emotions about the past or the future. This is what will eventually lead us to accepting thing without judgment, but it can be difficult, especially when someone is just beginning to explore these concepts.
Thoughts of the past can limit us when we ask questions like, Why did that happen to me? How could I have been so stupid? Didn’t she know that would hurt me? Does he remember it the way I do? Why haven’t they said sorry yet?
When I first started embracing the idea of being present, I kept saying, “The past is an illusion.” And although I know that’s not entirely true, the past, as it truly happened, is not accessible to us anymore. So, we create the past through stories we tell to ourselves day after day, pictures we don’t remember taking, or people we’ve known for years.
Maybe a more accurate saying is, “The past you created for yourself is an illusion.” It’s only one part of the larger story, because the people you knew then may have a much different story. It’s also colored by the present. You didn’t know then what you know now, but now you know they get a divorce, he doesn’t talk to you again, or that night was the last kiss. That memory means something different than it did to you the day you were experiencing it.
Thoughts of the future can cloud us when we ask questions like, Will this still be here later? What’s going to happen next? How can I protect myself? Who will come after me? Will I be comfortable? Is he going to leave?
The future is more of an illusion than the past, or at least the way we project into the future. For many of us, we are immobilized by a fear of the future. We may be moving forward in a physical sense, waking up in the morning, driving to work, feeding ourselves. But we’re frozen in our souls. We choose not to connect with our family members or coworkers; we neglect our needs for love or affection; we don’t ask for the promotion we feel we deserve.
Why? Because something happened in our past that we want to avoid repeating. We didn’t get the support we needed, so we stick with the support we have now, even if it isn’t truly meeting our needs. Someone else was in control during a vulnerable moment in our lives, so we refuse to relinquish control again.
Our past pains and our fear of the future are deeply connected.
Many of us feel stuck on a certain track, unable to get off the train, unaware we are in complete control of our vehicle.
You can’t leap ahead like you want to, no. The speed you’re traveling remains the exact same (though it may seem like it’s getting faster the longer you ride on), but you are in control of the direction.
If you were to make a tiny adjustment to your direction, you will eventually be at a completely different place from where you began. You’re creating the direction and the “future” every moment. It’s not actually the future, of course; it’s the present, because that’s all we ever truly experience.
Past pains and fears of the future live primarily in the mind, so they often require us to leave the body, the room we’re in, the people we’re with, the ground under our feet. We travel with our thoughts to places we can only barely conceptualize through half-faded memories or half-formed dreams.
You never truly leave the train to travel back. You never leave to go forward.
There’s a suspended moment caught between the painful past and the fearful future.
Here.
Now.
The past (in your mind) is an amalgamation.
The future is an exercise of your imagination.
The present, by contrast, is pure. It’s the only place we can ever truly be. The only place we can ever truly commit to. We are anchored here by our bodies, through which we experience only the present moment.
When we let go of obsessive thoughts of the past and the future, we can see the present moment in a purer form.
These thoughts may not be obsessive or even thoughts at all. It’s possible you’re completely unconscious of your past pains and your fears of the future. You may be going on autopilot, caught up in tasks, or driven by daydreams and an optimistic idea of the future. Your experience will be a bit more balanced, but you still miss out on the richness of being fully engaged with the moment.
It can be tempting to think that without fears of the future, people would have no fear of consequences, so they’d break laws, say whatever they want, and act recklessly. While this is true to a certain extent, the art of being fully present isn’t blindness. We don’t ignore the fact that life is always building on itself and that our actions, words, and thoughts effect people, including ourselves. On the contrary, presence gives us perspective because our emotions (fear, pain, shame, anger) no longer control us. It also gives us a deep empathy for ourselves, other people, animals, and the Earth. With that perspective and empathy, we can show up and guide the present so that it’s a nurturing place for all.
If this post resonates with you in any way, I recommend checking out the following books:
- Be Here Now is a collection of writings and illustrations from the spiritual teacher Ram Dass. It has deep roots in Hinduism, Buddhism, and other spiritual paths from India and the east.
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a more modern discussion on presence, but draws inspiration from a variety of religions and spiritual walks. It’s a very accessible book for anyone who gets confused or turned off by blatantly religious terms.
- Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky is a simple guide to personal transformation, and the author talks a lot about how we project our past hurts into our present.
Absolutely wonderful to read. Thank you for sharing this and gently suggesting a return to presence as we experience our lives.