I’m in a lot of Facebook groups about the Enneagram. I love to hang out there, give advice, and learn from others. In the Type 9 group, I’ve seen quote a few people ask about self-development as a 9 in regards to living a Christian life. Many teachers say that the work of the 9 is to choose his own desires over other people’s desires, assert herself, or stop accommodating others. If Jesus calls us to be loving and self-sacrificing, how do we balance that as 9s in our Enneagram work?
First off, a note about Jesus. I believe the literary character of Jesus was probably a 9w1, and yet he was strong-willed, no nonsense, and had strong, healthy boundaries. Even though he calls people to die to self, and he literally died for his beliefs, he lived his life in strength, completely sure of himself and his place in the kingdom of God. He pissed a lot of people off, so much so that he was killed for it.
Even 9s who aren’t Christians may struggle with this. 9w1s especially have an idea that they should be accepting, easy-going, and pleasant to be around. It’s called the “superego” and is strongest in 1, 2, and 6, then in types with those for wings. We have an idea of what it means to be a “good person” and for the 9w1, being peaceful and easy to please usually falls in line with that idea.
A lot of us 9s sacrifice ourselves when no one is asking us to. Many times, our self-sacrifice doesn’t serve anyone but themselves — because if they don’t have to assert themselves, it’s much easier. Are we truly doing self-sacrificial work because it comes from a wellspring of love? Or is it simply easier to go with the flow without questioning it?
There’s wisdom in the growth recommendations many Enneagram teachers have. Instead of taking generic advice, though, try looking at your life, your emotions, and your relationships. Take an inventory of where you’re at right now, warts and all.
If you’re a 9, ask, “Where do I see myself…”
- Being complacent?
- Minimizing issues?
- Falling asleep to my true needs?
- Being disconnected from my body?
- Being stuck in inertia?
- Being overly stubborn?
- Choosing passive aggressiveness instead of active conflict resolution?
- Adopting other people’s desires as my own?
The answers to these questions are your work. These are the areas where where working with the Enneagram and practicing presence can help.
The 9’s problem is about shortchanging ourselves and everyone around us by not being present. Our work is about grounding ourselves in the body so we can be aware of our needs and desires. We can continue to be loving, easy-going, and accepting while still advocating for ourselves in our lives.