I’m working as a coach on my own, a financial coach for a local nonprofit, and taking care of a toddler. The narrative of figuring out how moms “do it all” can be boring, but it’s also a very REAL struggle some of us go through.
I’d like to share some of my thoughts about how to juggle our different responsibilities as parents. These can apply to many scenarios, though — any time you’re feeling trapped or overwhelmed and vastly changing the scenario isn’t an option. Maybe it’s a job you committed to for a year or a degree you’re working on.
First thought: These are years with Aurora that I’ll never get back. She’ll never again be creating nicknames for her loved ones (Ryan’s name is “Daddo”, and she calls her nephew “Bubba”). Soon, she’ll be too heavy for me to hold and carry around the house. I’m doing all I can to honor this time with her so I don’t blink and miss it.
For the reader: There is something in this period of your life that is unique and may never again be experienced. If you let yourself rest in the moment, what do you see, feel, or hear that you missed before? How can you honor it?
Second thought: I have lost things, but I have gained so much more. At times, I focus on what I’m losing by having a kid. I’ve lost time, freedom, and autonomy over certain areas of my life, like my house and the design choices I’d make without her.
But I have gained so much by being a mom, too. The obvious thing is a new human to love and watch grow. I’ve also gained a new perspective on life and family. I’ve gained a new set of skills around resourcefulness, patience, and acceptance. I’ve gained new direction and purpose in my life.
For the reader: You may have lost some things, but what have you gained? There’s something you didn’t have before this stage in your life. How can you embrace and enjoy it to its fullest?
Third thought: I’m building towards something greater with this period. Everyone knows the first few years of infanthood and toddlerhood require a shit ton of work from the parent. Each day changing diapers and feeding a tiny human is part of a greater foundation where my daughter feels loved, cared for, and important to others.
For the reader: You’re in this situation for a specific reason, and this present will soon be the past. What are you building towards? How is this stage part of a foundation for something larger and beyond the struggles of today?
Fourth thought: I treasure being able to take care of Aurora full-time, but I also value myself. I value my guiding inner voice that’s passionate about writing, sharing my story, and helping people through coaching. I want Aurora to be nurtured, loved, and supported by someone who is nurturing, loving, and supporting herself, as well.
For the reader: Parents, and especially mothers, can fall into self-sacrificial traps and leave their own desires behind. I want to challenge the limiting belief that you have to choose one or the other. How can you take care of your responsibilities AND yourself?
I hope these thoughts help you, whether you’re a parent of not, when you’re juggling lots of different responsibilities or wearing many hats. Your perspective on the situation you’re in can change everything. Seeing new angles can transform the way you’re showing up for yourself and for others.
Most importantly, being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to pursue your desires outside of the constraints of your situation will give you fresh life. Self-sacrificing can be noble and even necessary at times — to a certain point. If it’s excessive, it can lead to resentment and burnout. No one can live the life you have, so don’t discount the value of your own desires and needs, even in the midst of other responsibilities. First and foremost, you have a responsibility to yourself.